不差钱英语剧本_范文大全

不差钱英语剧本

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范文一:英语剧本不差钱 投稿:姚肶肷

《不差钱》英文剧本(片段)

小沈阳:我知道大爷不差钱。我的意思,毕老师好容易来一回,咱吃喝不能在乎

钱,大爷。你看我今年岁数小,但是我总结了,人这一生其实可短暂了,有时候一想,跟睡觉是一样一样的。眼睛一闭,一睁,一天过去了;眼睛一闭,不睁,这辈子就过去了。

毕福剑:小伙子,精辟。

赵本山:精辟啥,他是屁精。

小沈阳:大爷,我没别的意思。

赵本山:你啥意思?

小沈阳:我的意思,人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情,

你知道是什么?

赵本山:嗯?

小沈阳:人死了,钱没花了。

赵本山:人这一生最最痛苦的事,你知道是什么吗?

小沈阳:啥呀?

赵本山:是人活着呢,钱没了。不差钱,放心吧,啊。把菜好好做上。 小沈阳:哎,好嘞。

赵本山:这孩子。

小沈阳:这一天......这也太抠了。

赵本山:他姥爷,这菜呢,得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了,这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。

毕福剑:艺......艺术细胞。

赵本山:给看看,能不能上你的大道。

毕福剑:她......

赵本山:才艺,那是了不得。

毕福剑:老哥,我弄明白了,你今天截我到这儿来,就是为了让您孙女上我们《星

光大道》。

赵本山:可不是嘛,它有这么个关系。

毕福剑:哦,那她都......会点什么?

赵本山:来吧,给姥爷表示表示。服务员,拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗?拿来。站好了。

Shenyang This I know, sir, but with Mr. Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep. Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over. Eyes closed but never opened again - then your whole life is over.

CCTV Man That`s wit! / What a master of wit!

Uncle Zhao Not wit, he's a waiter. / To me, he jus' stings like shit! Shenyang I didn't mean to offend you, sir.

Uncle Zhao Then whut did you mean?

Shenyang One shouldn't set too much stock on money. What good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.

Uncle Zhao Whut's more scary...

Shenyang Yeah?

Uncle Zhao ... is to be left living with you' money gone. Don't worry, boy. If you play your part well, I'll pay you well.

Shenyang Do as you please.

Uncle Zhao Go ahead.

Shenyang (to himself) What a day... just too stingy.

(Shenyang exits again.)

Uncle Zhao (to CCTV Man) Preparin' the dishes would take s'me time, sir. Here's Yadar, my granddaughter. They all call her Yadar. She started showin' promise to be art'ritis when very young.

CCTV Man You mean an artist.

Uncle Zhao Please test her to see whether she's good enough for you' Broadway.

CCTV Man Can she...

Uncle Zhao Whut can she do, right? No problem!

CCTV Man Now I see. You got me stuck here so your granddaughter can get into my program.

Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that's it.

CCTV Man What exactly can she do?

Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi whut you can do. Waiter, give us a mike for a Karaoke show.

(Shenyang enters for a third time.)

Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Stand over there.

范文二:英语剧本不差钱 投稿:雷绠绡

英语剧本-《不差钱》英文版

Got the Money Anyway

(A Comic Piece for the CCTV Spring Festival Gala 2009)

Play script by Cui Kai et al.

Characters

Uncle Zhao, acted by Zhao Benshan

Shenyang, acted by Shen He

CCTV Man, acted by Bi Fujian

Yadar, acted by Wang Jinfeng (Mao Mao)

小品:“不差钱”

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

编创者 崔凯 等

表演者 赵本山、沈鹤、毕福剑、王金凤(毛毛)

(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景,写着:“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装,身上背着一串蒜头,手上拿着野鸡,拉着毛毛上场。)

(This short play is set in a restaurant named

赵本山:到了。

毛毛: 到了。

赵本山:这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不,苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。

毛毛: 爷爷,你念反了,苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。

赵本山:啊,情调?就搁这儿吃。

毛毛: 爷爷,这家老贵的啦。

赵本山:贵?咱带钱了,带三万多块,那包呢?

毛毛: 我没拿包啊。

赵本山:装钱那包,黄包。

毛毛: 完了,让我落炕上了。

赵本山:我说,你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事,落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗? 毛毛: 兜里,多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。

赵本山:我还有400。行,够了。

毛毛: 这也不能够啊。

赵本山:哎呀,够不够就这样了。服务员!

Uncle Zhao Here we are.

Yadar Here we are.

Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling:

Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.

Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.

Yadar But it's very expensive.

Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?

Yadar What bag?

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.

Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?

Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

Yadar Still not enough.

Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!

(小沈阳上)

小沈阳:对不起大爷,我们这是高档酒店,不收农副产品。

赵本山:不是,我们是吃饭的。

小沈阳:妈呀,吃饭的?

赵本山:不像啊?

小沈阳:不太像。

赵本山:我说姑娘啊,这顿饭非常重要。

小沈阳:妈呀,你管谁叫姑娘呢,人家是纯爷们。

赵本山:咋这么个打扮,还穿个裙子呢。

小沈阳:这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊,这不七分裤吗。你看,是有腿的哦。妈呀,着急穿跑偏了。妈呀,我说走道咋没有裆呢。

赵本山:行了,那条腿留明儿个穿,哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀,今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭,你一定要招待好。

小沈阳:呃,没问题。

赵本山:来来来,我问问你,你们这个酒店,如果要急头白脸吃一顿,得多少钱? 小沈阳:咋还吃急眼了呢?

赵本山:我意思就是,最贵的都点上。

小沈阳:得一、两万的。

赵本山:一、两万?啊,那啥,有没有这种情况,今儿个吃完了,明儿个来结账? (Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)

Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street

peddlers.

Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?

Shenyang Not quite.

Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.

Shenyang Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.

Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?

Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.

Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.

Shenyang No problem.

Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?

Shenyang Why so / What's wrong?

Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.

Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.

Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?

小沈阳:打白条儿啊?

赵本山:不是啊,不是打白条,不差钱,有钱。喏。

小沈阳:啥意思?

赵本山:小费。

小沈阳:妈呀,大爷你真敞亮,你太帅了。

赵本山:给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了,你一定要给足我面子,明白吗?我到点菜的时候,你得替我兜着点。

小沈阳:咋兜呢?

赵本山:既把面子给了,但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......

小沈阳:我就说没有呗。

赵本山:哎呀妈呀,你太厉害了。来来来,拿点。再给你30,来。

小沈阳:我跟你都明码的哦。

赵本山:谢谢。

小沈阳:放心吧。

毛毛: 爷爷,我有点饿了。

赵本山:饿了?来碗面条。

小沈阳:呃,78一碗。

赵本山:啥面?这么贵。

小沈阳:苏格兰打卤面。

赵本山:是不是卤子贵?

小沈阳:卤不要钱。

赵本山:那就来碗卤子,先尝尝咸淡。快去,快去。

小沈阳:妈呀,没这么上过呀。

赵本山:那是我没来,我要来,你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。

小沈阳:这老爷子,我要说面条不要钱,要面条了你还。

Shenyang You'll give me an IOU?

Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.

Shenyang What's it?

Uncle Zhao A tip for you.

Shenyang You do understand people / things / the world, sir - you look cool!

Uncle Zhao Whut's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so. Shenyang Like how?

Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?

Shenyang I'll say

Uncle Zhao You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.

Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.

Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.

Shenyang Nothing much.

Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.

Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?

Shenyang 78 yuan.

Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?

Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.

Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?

Shenyang It's free.

Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick. Shenyang That's no way to serve a meal, sir.

Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.

Shenyang (to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)

范文三:不差钱-英语话剧剧本 投稿:邵绪绫

小沈阳《不差钱》中英文版

Got the Money Anyway

(A Comic Piece for the CCTV Spring Festival Gala 2009)

Play script by Cui Kai et al.

Characters

Uncle Zhao, acted by Zhao Benshan

Shenyang, acted by Shen He

CCTV Man, acted by Bi Fujian

Yadar, acted by Wang Jinfeng (Mao Mao)

小品:“不差钱”

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

编创者 崔凯 等

表演者 赵本山、沈鹤、毕福剑、王金凤(毛毛)

(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景,写着:“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装,身上背着一串蒜头,手上拿着野鸡,拉着毛毛上场。)

(This short play is set in a restaurant named

Uncle Zhao Here we are.

Yadar Here we are.

Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling:

Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.

Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.

Yadar But it's very expensive.

Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? Yadar What bag?

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.

Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you? Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

Yadar Still not enough.

Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!

范文四:英语剧本《不差钱》英文版 投稿:杨歱歲

󰀀󰀀󰀀英语剧本-《不差钱》英文版 󰀀小品:“不差钱” 󰀀(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目) 󰀀编创者 崔凯 等 󰀀表演者 赵本山、沈鹤、毕福剑、王金凤(毛毛) 󰀀󰀀

(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景,写着:“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装,身上背着一串蒜头,手上拿着野鸡,拉着毛毛上场。) 󰀀(This short play is set in a restaurant named

定要给足我面子,明白吗?我到点菜的时候,你得替我兜着点。 󰀀小沈阳:咋兜呢? 󰀀赵本山:既把面子给了,但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜...... 󰀀小沈阳:我就说没有呗。 󰀀赵本山:哎呀妈呀,你太厉害了。来来来,拿点。再给你30,来。 󰀀小沈阳:我跟你都明码的哦。 󰀀赵本山:谢谢。 󰀀小沈阳:放心吧。 󰀀毛毛: 爷爷,我有点饿了。 󰀀赵本山:饿了?来碗面条。 󰀀小沈阳:呃,78一碗。 󰀀赵本山:啥面?这么贵。 󰀀小沈阳:苏格兰打卤面。 󰀀赵本山:是不是卤子贵? 󰀀小沈阳:卤不要钱。 󰀀赵本山:那就来碗卤子,先尝尝咸淡。快去,快去。 󰀀小沈阳:妈呀,没这么上过呀。 󰀀赵本山:那是我没来,我要来,你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。 󰀀小沈阳:这老爷子,我要说面条不要钱,要面条了你还。 󰀀󰀀Shenyang You'll give me an IOU? 󰀀Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this. 󰀀Shenyang What's it? 󰀀Uncle Zhao A tip for you. 󰀀Shenyang You do understand people / things / the world, sir - you look cool! 󰀀Uncle Zhao Whut's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so. 󰀀Shenyang Like how? 󰀀Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear? 󰀀Shenyang I'll say

范文五:英语话剧台词——小品【不差钱】_全文翻译 投稿:郭薨薩

Today we

赵本山:带钱了,三万,带包没有啊 we have money ,thirty thousand yuan. don't you take the purse? 毛毛:我落在炕上了

I left it on the brick bed.

赵本山:给你办事,还落在炕上了

I do business to you,but you left

it?

毛毛:兜里才70多元

I only have seventy yuan.

赵本山:我还有400

Here is 400 yuan.

毛毛:也不够啊

it's not enough.

赵本山:够不够都可以的

it doesn't matter.

赵本山:服务员

waiterss !

小沈阳:你管谁叫姑娘,我是纯爷们

girl? I'm a real man.

赵本山:怎么穿裙子

why do you wear a skirt?

小沈阳:也不是裙子,这是七分裤,这有腿的,着急穿错了,

it's not,this is a seventh trousers..Sorry,I wear wrong in a hurry .may I take your order?

赵本山:yes.

赵本山:你们这个酒店,如果要吃一顿饭,

要多少钱。最贵的要点上要吃多少钱

I want to know how much it cost to have a meal,including the most expensive dishes.

小沈阳:要一、二万元

about ten or twenty thousand

yuan.

赵本山:是否有这样的情况,今天吃饭明天来结帐

can I have meals today but

pay tomorrow?

小沈阳:打白条

owe the money?

赵本山:不是打白条,给你小费

no,I have money,don't shorts of

money.Give you tips.

毛毛: so many tips I have money. 小沈阳:大爷,你太帅了

uncle,I LOVE YOU .

赵本山:客人来了,我点菜的时候你要给我兜着,我要点贵菜

When The guest comes,you should help me when I am

ordering dishes.If I want to

order a dear dish……

小沈阳:我就说没有

I say not have?

赵本山:你太明白了

you are so clever.

毛毛:爷爷,我饿了 grandpa,I'm hungry.

赵本山:给我来碗面条

take me a bowl of noodles.

小沈阳:78元一碗

78 yuan.

毛毛 :do you have the cheaper? 小沈阳: this is the cheapest, 赵本山:ok ,please

小沈阳: here is the noodle 毛毛:爷爷有一点咸了,

it's a bit salty. I want to drink coffee 赵本山:给她搞一碗白开水,

give her some water. we first try

to act to order the dish

小沈阳:ok

赵本山:澳洲鲍鱼四只

Four Ausrialia’s abalones.

小沈阳:对不起没有。

Sorry , we haven’t the dish.

毛毛:I like Ausrialia ‘s lobster.

赵本山:澳洲龙虾

Ausrialia ‘s lobster.

小沈阳:没有那么大的

We haven’t such a big one .

赵本山:有多大的。

H ow much do you have?

小沈阳:只有一斤的。

about one kilo

赵本山:这个太小了,糖醋排骨

This is too small .sweet and sour spareribs

毛毛:oh it’s great.i like 小沈阳:no have spareribs

赵本山:有还是没有啊

have or not?

小沈阳:没有的。

no.

赵本山:来民间的,孩子,来一个小野鸡炖

蘑菇

let's

take

some

local

dishes,boy, small pheasant stews

the

mushroom

小沈阳:没有

not have

赵本山:这个可以有

this can have

小沈阳:这个真没有

really not

赵本山:把带来的拿过来

take it

mao:把这个炖了,点一个笨鸡蛋

stew it,take a heavy egg

小沈阳:没有

not have

赵本山:我有

I have

小沈阳:有没有,你心里没有数吗,

aren't you clear whether we

have? .

赵本山: I ordered abalones and

lobster,you don't have.

范文六:英语话剧台词——小品【不差钱】全文翻译 投稿:薛娥娦

赵本山:这就是铁岭最贵的饭店,苏格兰调情

zhao:This is the most expensive hotel of Tie Lang,Scotland'flirt. 毛毛:你念反了,苏格兰情调,这家老贵了

mao:You read wrong, Scotland Sentiment,it's too dear.

赵本山:带钱了,三万,带包没有啊

zhao:we have money,thirty thousand,the yellow purse?don't you take the purse?

毛毛:我落在炕上了

mao:I left it on the brick bed.

赵本山:给你办事,还落在炕上了

zhao:I do business to you,but you left it?

毛毛:兜里才70多元

mao:I only have seventy yuan.

赵本山:我还有400

zhao:Here is 400 yuan.

毛毛:也不够啊

mao:it's not enough.

赵本山:够不够都可以的

zhao:it doesn't matter.

赵本山:服务员

waiter !

小沈阳:对不起大爷,我们是高档酒店,不收农产品

xiao:sorry,uncle.this is a high grade hotel,we don't need farm produce.

赵本山:我们是吃饭的,姑娘这顿饭很重要的

zhao:we come to have a lunch,girl,this meal is very important for us.

小沈阳:你管谁叫姑娘,我是纯爷们

xiao: girl? I'm a real man.

赵本山:怎么穿裙子

hao:why do you wear a skirt?

小沈阳:也不是裙子,这是七分裤,这有腿的,着急穿错了,我说走路怎么不方便

xiao:it's not,this is a seventh trousers..Sorry,I wear wrong in a hurry.I doubted it was not convenient to walk.

赵本山:那条腿留给别人穿,小伙子我跟你说,今天请重要的客人,你一定要招待好

zhao:tomorrow you wear the other leg.Boy,let me tell you.Today,I invite an important guest,you must treat him very well. 小沈阳:没有问题

xiao:no problem.

赵本山:你们这个酒店,如果要吃一顿饭,要多少钱。最贵的要点上要吃多少钱

zhao:I wanna know how much it cost to have a meal,including the

most expensive dishes.

小沈阳:要一、二万元

xiao:about ten or twenty thousand yuan.

赵本山:是否有这样的情况,今天吃饭明天来结帐

zhao:can I have meals today but pay tomorrow?

小沈阳:打白条

xiao:owe the money?

赵本山:不是打白条,给你小费

zhao:no,I have money,don't shorts of money.Give you tips. 小沈阳:大爷,你太帅了

xiao:uncle,I LOVE YOU .

赵本山:客人来了,我点菜的时候你要给我兜着,我要点贵菜

zhao:The guest comes,you should help me when I am ordering dishes.If I wanna order a dear dish……

小沈阳:我就说没有

xiao:I say not have?

赵本山:你太明白了

zhao:you are so clever.

毛毛:爷爷,我饿了

mao:grandpa,I'm hungry.

赵本山:给我来碗面条

zhao:take me a bowl of noodles.

小沈阳:78元一碗

xiao:78 yuan.

赵本山:这么贵

zhao:so expensive?

小沈阳:苏格兰打鲁面

xiao:it's halogen noodles of Scotland.

赵本山:是鲁子贵么?

zhao:is the halogen dear?

小沈阳:鲁不要钱。

xiao:it's free.

赵本山:先来一碗鲁子,一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了,你要给我争脸,这是人生最好的机会, 爷爷培养你四十多年了

zhao:well,take a bowl of halogen.Mr Bi is coming,you should save my face,it's the best chance of life, I have educated you for forty years.

毛毛:爷爷我才多大

mao:how old am I, grandpa?

赵本山:我培养你爸多少年,你爸是半成品,都成了文化站长,你要有信心

zhao:I educated your dad for many years, he is a partly finished product and becomes a master of cultural station.You should have confidence.Give me your determination.

毛毛:洪湖水,一浪比一浪强,我要把我爹打在沙滩上

mao:I must

小沈阳:鲁子来了

xiao:here is the halogen.

毛毛:爷爷有一点咸了

mao:it's a bit salty.

赵本山:给她搞一碗白开水

zhao:give her some water.

小沈阳:免费的水呗?

xiao:free?

赵本山:对。

zhao:yeah.

小沈阳:你不是谁吗,你是那个朱军,不是的,白岩松不是的,老毕,你是毕老师吗?毕老师来了,快来人啊,一会儿该跑了

xiao:aren't you who? you are the zhujun ,not,Bai Yansong?no,no,no,Lao Bi,are you Mr Bi? Here is Mr Bi,come here,he will run away.

赵本山:干什么,吵什么啊,让狼咬了吗?

zhao:what's up? what are you shouting? Are you biten by a wolf? 小沈阳:毕老师给我照个相吗?

Could you do me a favour to take a photo with me ?

毕福剑:我找莲花县文化站长赵铁柱的爹

I want to meet the chairman of the art spot in lotus town----tiezhu zhao’s father.

赵本山:我是赵铁柱的爹,你找对了

I am here.

毕福剑:爹,对了

Dad !

赵本山:县布置的很隆重,布一个大厅,一个大房间,一个大照片放在中间,周围都是花

People in lotus town welcome you warmly, laying your photo in a room round flowers.

毕福剑:老哥,花都是什么颜色

Gal, what colour?

赵本山:白的,黄的都有的。老百姓都拿着笔等着你,激动啊 both white and yellow . They are waiting for you in exciment. 毕福剑:我们到乡里吧

Let’s make for the town.

赵本山:乡里布置我,先在铁岭吃一顿,客随主便,你按照我安排吧 I was appointed to arrange a meal for you in tieling. Just follow me. 小沈阳:毕老师给我照个相

Let’s take a photo ,will you ?

毕福剑:你是男服务员 .长得挺委婉

You are a male waiter ?

赵本山:咱们是老乡,你不是大连人吗

We have the same origin.Are you born in dalian?

毕福剑:是的。

Yes.

赵本山:咱们是亲戚,我的老爷爷住在大连

We are relatives .My grandfather are in dalian,too.

毕福剑:叫什么名字

What’s his name ?

毛毛:闭门庭

bimenting

毕福剑:你老爷打麻将很厉害

He must be good at majiang.

赵本山:一笑,很象你老爷走的时候的照片,孩子就跟老爷亲,快叫老爷好

You look like him when you are smiling. She gets on well with him ,. 毛毛:老爷好。

Nice to meet you ,grandfather.

毕福剑:大过年的还没有给你压岁钱

I ‘m sorry to have no redpack for you now.

小沈阳:毕老师我们还没有照相

We haven’t take a photo.

赵本山:先点菜

Give me the menu first.

小沈阳:吃饭后跑了怎么办

He will leave away after the meal !

赵本山:您就点吧

You first.

毕福剑:我们随便吃吧

Simple meal is OK.

赵本山:现在富裕了,你就使劲吃,你吃能吃多少钱

We are richer now. It costs me only little .

毕福剑:随便吃

Just simple.

赵本山:澳洲鲍鱼四只

Four Ausrialia’s abalones.

小沈阳:对不起没有。

Sorry , we haven’t the dish.

赵本山:澳洲龙虾

Ausrialia ‘s lobster.

小沈阳:没有那么大的

We haven’t such a big one .

赵本山:有多大的。

how much do you have?

小沈阳:只有一斤的。

about one kilo

赵本山:有还是没有啊

have or not?

小沈阳:没有的。

no

毕福剑:鱼翅更不要点

don't eat shark's fin ,neither.

赵本山:有也别吃了,我吃鱼翅有一次卡住了,最后到医院用镊子拿出来了。你们酒店什么都没有,好不容易来一次,把你老板找出来 Don’t eat it .Once I didn’t suffer fish bone in my throat untill I was sent to hospital .You should have nothing here.It seems that I must meet your boss now.

小沈阳:没有的

No .

赵本山:老板也没有

You don’t have a boss?

小沈阳:老板出去了

Boss is out.

赵本山:吃什么啊

What can we eat in the world?

毕福剑:来一点家常便饭

Family meal is just ok.

赵本山:来民间的,孩子,来一个小野鸡炖蘑菇

let's take some local dishes,boy, small pheasant stews the mushroom

小沈阳:没有

not have

赵本山:这个可以有

this can have

小沈阳:这个真没有

really not

赵本山:把带来的拿过来

take it

毕福剑:野山鸡不能吃

we can't eat the pheasant

赵本山:把这个炖了,点一个笨鸡蛋

stew it,take a heavy egg

小沈阳:没有

not have

赵本山:我有

I have

毕福剑:老哥,下一次饭店,材料都自己搞

brother,you bring the material when you go to the hotel.

赵本山:这里没有,几个菜了,两个了,给一点机会,毕老师来你们饭店。

they haven't,two dishes already, give you a chance,Mr bi comes to your hotel.

小沈阳:赠送一个吧,大爷你怎么这么扣,一个都没有点,我们还要赠送一个。

present one? uncle, how miserly you are,you don't order any,but we have to present one

赵本山:我点了鲍鱼、龙虾,你不没有吗,

I ordered abalones and lobster,you don't have.

小沈阳:有没有,你心里没有数吗,你别看我的岁数小,我总结了,人的一生很短暂,有的时候跟睡觉是一样的,眼睛一闭,一挣,一天过去了,眼睛一闭,不挣,这辈子就过去了

aren't you clear whether we have? don't think me young, I have concluded the life is really short,sometimes like sleeping,eyes close and open,one day is gone,eyes close but not open,this lifetime has gone.

毕福剑:精辟。

excellent

赵本山:精辟啥,他是屁精

no, he is an arse licker

小沈阳:钱是身外之物,人最痛苦的是什么,人死了,钱没有花。

money is external thing,do you know what is the most painful to people? that is, people died,but the money is left.

赵本山:最痛苦的是人活着,钱没有了。这孩子啊

the most pain is one is alive but doesn't have money,the poor youngster

小沈阳:这也太抠了。

so miserly

赵本山:菜要做一会儿,鸭蛋来了,从小就是一身的艺术细菌

the dishes have to cook for a while,yadan comes, she has bacteria of art of all over the body.

毕福剑:艺术细胞

art cell

赵本山:看一下是否可以上你的《星光大道》。

see her if she can go to your Star Road.

毕福剑:老哥我弄明白了,你接我在这里,就是为了让孙女上《星光大道》。

brother,I see.you pick me up here in order to let your grand-daughter to the Star Road.

赵本山:服务员,拿卡拉OK的麦克风。

Waiter,give me the mike of kala ok

毕福剑:按照我们的规矩,自报家门

according to our rule, certainly report the family.

赵本山:从前面开始,不要紧张

from start,don't be nevious.

毛毛:我是来自大城市铁岭莲花赤水沟子,我名字叫鸭蛋,今天心情非常的冲动,今夜阳光明媚,今夜多云转晴。

I come from a big city of resolve the lotus of mountain range red ditch,my name is Yadan,I'm of impulse,now.The sunshine is bright tonight,cloudy clear up.

小沈阳:报天气预报啊

Wow?it’s weather forecast?

毛毛:心情从多云转晴了,为什么啊,我找到我老爷了,我老爷太好了,能带我上溜光大道。

I feel good now, why I have this feeling? en……l find my grandpa, oh yeah! My grandpa is benevolence, he can take me to THE BROAD ROAD OF STARLIGHT!

毕福剑:《星光大道》

THE BROAD ROAD OF STARLIGHT!

毛毛:我非常感谢我老爷给我这次机会,太感谢你了,真的能带上我到大道,我感谢你八辈祖宗,我代表八辈祖宗,我这辈子,做鬼也不放过你。

Thank you ! my dear grandpa! that’s very nice of you! If you take me to the programme , I’ll thank for the ancestry 8 generations!

赵本山:孩子就是想报复你,报恩,知恩图报,出去了就不能忘记你,唱李谷一的《青藏高原》。

Well,hehe……the child just want to requite you! It’s the tradition! Shemean that when she come to be a super star, she will never forget you! Come on, yadan! Singing liguyi’s song[The qing hides the plateau]

毛毛:那个是李娜的,现场演唱《青藏高原》

No! grandpa! It’s lina’s! now, I’ll sing [The qing hides the plateau] on the spot.

赵本山:中间的不用唱了,唱后面的。

Yadan! Don’t sing the middle of the song, you just singing the back part!

剑:年龄不大,嗓门真高

Wow, surprising! She’s so young, but the pitch of voice quite loud!

赵本山:再唱一个

Ok! I’m happy to hear that! Now, yadan , please sing another one

毛毛:爷爷,今天吃的有一点咸

I’m sorry, the halogen soup is too salt!

I'本山:后面连哭带唱的

the part of crying and Saying

毕福剑:等一下,连哭带说行不行,讲获奖感言,《星光大道》都是真人真事,还没有上北京,就获奖感言了。

Wait a minute, do you want to say the words after you win the prize?the things on …………are all true!

It’s so early to get set the words!

本山:他老爷在这里,我心理还没有底吗,我说三个数,她就会哭的,你真的完蛋,跟老爷有感情,老爷照片在这里。

She’s grandpa is here. Am I don’t know? I know you can take her to Beijing. She must cry when I count from 1 to 3. yadan, you’re too stupid!now, your grandpa is here , please cry!

毛毛:哭……

Cry? Hahahahaha…………

赵本山:完蛋,笑什么。

Yadan. Why you’re laughing?

毛毛:太有意思

It ‘s so funny.

毕福剑:不说了,才艺不错,唱的也不错。

Not bad .She is really talented in singing and performing.

小沈阳:这不错啊,这样能上的话,我也能上。

Not bad ? I can do what she dose!

赵本山:你往那上,

You can do what ?

小沈阳:上《星光大道》

Performing in <>

赵本山:你上炕不错,这是艺术圈的事

You can just go to brick bed. We are all in art field.

小沈阳:你让我唱一个,

Let me sing a song.

赵本山:不让你唱

I disagree.

小沈阳:不让我唱,我就将你的事交代出来

If you disagree,I will let out what you enjoin me.

赵本山:你要说,一定比唱的好

If so,What you sing must be better than what you say.

毕福剑:你开始说吧,还是自报家门

Tell us where you are from as a start.

小沈阳:我的命运(敏感词语)是一样的,也有一个姓毕的老爷

My fate is same with her.my grandfather ‘s first name is bi ,too. 毕福剑:你会什么

What performe will you bring us?

小沈阳:我会模仿秀,

A n imitating show.

毕福剑:模仿谁

Who will you imitate?

小沈阳:刘欢老师

Teacher liuhuan.

毕福剑:模仿那一段

Which song ?

小沈阳:《我和你》

赵本山:人家刚下飞机你还跟人家唱 .

It was just several hour before he got off.

毕福剑:他不是要跟我唱。

He doesn’t mean that.

赵本山:我更不跟他唱了

Singing with me ? It is impossible .

毕福剑:这是一首歌的名字叫做我和你,唱吧!

It ‘s a name of song .please start !

小沈阳:我和你,心连心……

You and me ,heart by heart …..

赵本山:拉倒吧,唱偏了,上菜吧

Just give up ! where are our dishes?!

小沈阳:我重唱一个吧,我唱一个刀郎的吧

Give me another chance please ! I sing a song of daolang

赵本山:你唱屎壳郎吧

You sing dung beetle.

小沈阳:刀郎是歌手的名字

Daolang is a singer’s name .

毕福剑:你再来一个

Give you the chance !

小沈阳:我还会唱《星光大道》阿bao的歌。

I can sing a bao ‘s songs.

毕福剑:你叫什么名字

What ‘s your name ?

小沈阳:我的中文名字叫做小沈阳

My chiness name is xiaoshenyang.

毕福剑:还有外国名字

Your foreign name?

小沈阳:小沈阳

Xiaoshenyang .

赵本山:英文名字叫小~~损~~样

His English name is xiao sun yang

毕福剑:你是哪里的人,

Where are you from?

小沈阳:我是莲花村的

I am from the lotus town.

毕福剑:你儿子让我找的小沈阳,就是他,明天就跟我上北京上《星光大道》

He is the very people your son promotes.Go to Beijing with me tommorow

赵本山:菜都给你炖了,你不给我面子也给她老爷面子,要不让他老爷跟你见面一下,你上网上看一下新闻,点击率很高,上面说的鸭蛋就是她。

Dishes are ready ! you can be unwilling to do me a favour,but you cannot be unwilling to do her grantfather a favour.Do you want to see him ?If you search the internet,you will see the news about her. 毕福剑:马上上菜,今天的饭我包了,我请客,鸭蛋,明天你跟着大哥上《星光大道》,你们搞一个组合就叫做双黄蛋。

I pay the meal .yadan ,you go to Beijing with the gal tomorrow.You can combine to perform just named two eggs .

毛毛:我也可以去了吗

I can go with you ?

毕福剑:是的。

Of course.

毛毛:谢谢老爷。

Thank you ,grandfather .

小沈阳:谢谢。

Thank you !

赵本山:《星光大道》是百姓舞台,他们都要了,把我也要了吧。 <>is a stage for citizen.can you bring me to Beijing ? 毕福剑:网上也有你的名字。

Your name is on the Internet ,too?

赵本山:你试试吧。我还有一个重要消息没告诉你。其实我老爷也姓毕。

You can try.In addition ,I have a vital imformation to tell you -----my grandfather ‘ s first name is also bi .

范文七:不差钱剧本 投稿:邱訧訨

Got the Money Anyway

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景。本山大叔穿着中山装,身上背着一串蒜头,手上拿着野鸡,拉着毛毛上场。)

赵本山:到了。 毛毛: 到了。

赵本山:这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。 毛毛: 爷爷,这家老贵的啦。

赵本山:贵?咱带钱了,带三万多块,那包呢? 毛毛: 我没拿包啊。

赵本山:我说,你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事,落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗? 毛毛: 兜里,多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。 赵本山:我还有400。行,够了。 毛毛: 这也不能够啊。

赵本山:哎呀,够不够就这样了。服务员!

Uncle Zhao: Here we are. Yadar: Here we are.

Uncle Zhao: It's the most expensive restaurant in Tieling: Yadar: The most expensive ?

Uncle Zhao : So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? Yadar : What bag?

Uncle Zhao: The yellow one with the money in it. Yadar : Oh no, I left it on the bed.

Uncle Zhao : How can you do that? How much money do you have now? Yadar: Let me see... (找口袋) only 70 yuan. Uncle Zhao : Here's 400 yuan. Yadar: Still not enough.

Uncle Zhao: It’s OK, trust me! Waiter!

(小沈阳上) 小沈阳:欢迎光临

赵本山:姑娘啊,给我们最好的菜单,这顿饭非常重要。 小沈阳:妈呀,你管谁叫姑娘呢,人家是纯爷们。 赵本山:咋这么个打扮,还穿个裙子呢。

小沈阳:这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊,这不七分裤吗。你看,是有腿的哦。妈呀,着急穿跑偏了。妈呀,我说走道咋没有裆呢。 赵本山:哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀,今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭,你一定要招待好。(给小费一百)

小沈阳:啥意思? 赵本山:小费。

小沈阳:妈呀,大爷你太帅了。 赵本山:给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了,你一定要给足我面子,明白吗?我到点菜的时候,你得替我兜着点。 小沈阳:咋兜呢?

赵本山:既把面子给了,但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜...... 小沈阳:我就说没有呗。

赵本山:哎呀妈呀,你太厉害了。来来来,拿点。再给你30,来。小沈阳:放心吧。 Shenyang Welcome, what can I do for you?

Uncle Zhao Dear beautiful lady, give me the best menu, I have a very important guest today!~ Shenyang Oh, my God! Don't you call me a lady . I'm a real man !

Uncle Zhao Then why are you wearing a skirt?

Shenyang Oh, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's not a skirt . Look at this, look. Oh, God, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry.

Uncle Zhao HA HA HA ! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a very important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best. (给100小费) Shenyang What's it? Uncle Zhao A tip for you. Shenyang Oh my God! You look cool. You are so handsome!

Uncle Zhao You should know what to do! When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doing' so. Shenyang Like how?

Uncle Zhao I should show to the guest that I have lots of money, but when I order the expensive food„„

Shenyang I'll say "sorry, this we don't have."

Uncle Zhao GOOD!! You're smart. Here's another 30 yuan. Shenyang Don’t worry! It will be OK!

(毕福剑上)

小沈阳: 哟,你不是那谁吗,你是那个......蒙住了。朱军?!不是朱军。白岩松?!不是。老毕......你是毕老师吗?! 毕福剑:我姓毕。

小沈阳:哎呀我的妈呀,毕老师来了。你咋出来了呢?哎呀我的妈呀,快来人啊,毕老师,一会儿该跑了。

赵本山:干啥,吵吵巴火的,让狼撵了咋的?这就是我要请的客人。 小沈阳:哎呀我的妈呀,毕老师,你给我照个相呗! 赵本山: 你先等一会儿。刚到是吧? 毕福剑:你好你好。请问您是......? 赵本山:你找谁?

毕福剑:我找莲花乡文化站站长赵铁柱。

赵本山:找对了,这就是赵铁柱的爹,我是...... 毛毛: 赵铁柱是我爹。

赵本山:我是赵铁柱的爹。你不是找爹吗?啊不,找就对了。 毕福剑:爹......不是,我找您儿子。

赵本山:他在乡里等你呢。啊呀,乡里布置得老隆重啊,乡长、书记都在那儿排队等你呢。布一个大厅,完事弄一个大房间,给你弄一个大照片挂中间,周围全是花呀。 毕福剑:老哥,这花都什么颜色?

赵本山:白的、黄的都有啊。很漂亮,真的。老百姓都拿笔等着,等得都哭啊,等你呢。 毕福剑:哭什么?

赵本山:这不激动吗,你去了。来吧,请...... 毕福剑:咱去乡里吧。

赵本山:乡里布置我,说先搁铁岭吃一顿,完事上那儿。你看吧。

(Bi Fujian, enters.)

Shenyang Oh my God, wait, aren't you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yansong? Oh no. Or a Bi something! „. Oh! Are you Mr. Bi? CCTV Man :Yes, I'm Bi Fujian.

Shenyang Come here everyone, it`s Mr. Bi here. (To CCTV Man) Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here!

Uncle Zhao What are you shouting for? Are you crazy? he's the guest! Shenyang Oh my God, can I take a picture with you, Mr. Bi?

Uncle Zhao (手挡沈阳) Wait, wait. (对毕老师) Welcome, Mr. Bi. CCTV Man Nice to meet you. Uncle Zhao I've been waiting' for you for a long time.

CCTV Man Thanks a lot. May I have your name please? Uncle Zhao Which man are you looking for?

CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, do you know him? Uncle Zhao You got it. This is his father and I'm... Yadar (打断赵本山) No! Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.

Uncle Zhao Oh, yes, And I'm Tiezhu's father. And you are looking for a father... oh no, I mean you are looking for a friend.

CCTV Man Ok, hi, father... oh ,no I mean dear friend. So where's your son?

Uncle Zhao He's at the village waiting' for you. We really want to see you, you are a super star! We have prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle. Flowers all around.

CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, friend?

Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow. Lots of villagers are crying because they are too excited!

CCTV Man Let's go there, then.

Uncle Zhao They asked us to have lunch here first.

小沈阳:毕老师,你给我照个相呗。 赵本山:这没吃饭呢, 点菜,快点。

毕福剑:咱随便吃点饭就可以了。您来,您来。 赵本山:澳洲鲍鱼四只。 小沈阳:对不起,没有。

毕福剑:算了,别点那么贵的。你往下来。 赵本山:四斤的龙虾。

小沈阳:对不起,没那么大的。 赵本山:有多大的? 小沈阳:有一斤多的。

赵本山:一斤多的......有吗? 赵本山:有......还是没有啊?

赵本山:这个......我跟你说,有没有,这是你开的店呢,你还不明白?这不差钱。 小沈阳:哦......那没有。

Shenyang Mr Bi, can we take a photo?

Uncle Zhao We haven't ordered our food. Serve the meal first. CCTV Man Don't be too polite. You do it.

Uncle Zhao Ok, so „ Australian abalones, four. Shenyang Sorry, sir, we haven’t.

CCTV Man That’s too expensive anyway. Let's move on down. Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each. Shenyang Sorry, sir, we haven’t. Uncle Zhao What kind do you have? Shenyang Half a kilo each. Uncle Zhao So you have?

Shenyang Yes we do... or no?

Uncle Zhao Come on, boy, This is your restaurant, only you can know , don’t worry ,we have money!

Shenyang So no, we haven't got lobsters.

毕福剑:来点儿家常便饭。民间的。

赵本山:民间的是吧?来民间的吧,孩子,来个小野鸡炖蘑菇。 小沈阳:没有。 赵本山:这个可以有。

小沈阳:这个......真没有。

赵本山:我给你带来了啊,咱有。来,丫蛋,把这拿来。哎呀,多亏带来了。 毕福剑:老哥......

赵本山:再点个笨鸡蛋。 小沈阳:没有。

赵本山:我有。这样...... 毕福剑:老哥......

赵本山:这鸡蛋和大葱一炒。

毕福剑:你怎么下一趟饭店,材料都自己备?

赵本山:不是,他没有啊,问题是。给他钱都没处找去。几个菜了?俩了,这样吧,给你们点机会。毕老师来一回,你们饭店表示不?

小沈阳: 赠送一个呗。哎呀妈呀,大爷你咋这么抠呢?你说你一个没点,完了我们还得搭一个,啊?

赵本山:我说小伙子,咱们不是一个没点。我点完之后,鲍鱼、龙虾你都没有。 小沈阳:有没有,你心里还没数吗? 赵本山:我有啥数,你不是说没有吗?

小沈阳: 别说话了。一说万一要有,咋整啊? 赵本山: 你到底有没有?这差钱还是咋的? 小沈阳:我的意思,人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情,你知道是什么?

赵本山:嗯?

小沈阳:人死了,钱没花了。

赵本山:人这一生最最痛苦的事,你知道是什么吗? 小沈阳:啥呀?

赵本山:是人活着呢,钱没了。不差钱,放心吧,啊。把菜好好做上。 小沈阳:哎,好嘞。 赵本山:这孩子。

小沈阳:这一天......这也太抠了。

CCTV Man Just something homely.

Uncle Zhao All right, homely then. Mushroom and chicken,please. Shenyang Sorry sir, we haven’t. Uncle Zhao That's what you can have.

Shenyang But that’s something we really don't have.

Uncle Zhao We have, Yadar. Lucky we didn't come with empty hands. CCTV Man No, buddy... Uncle Zhao Ok, next we want fried egg. Shenyang We don't have any, sir! Uncle Zhao I have. All right... CCTV Man Buddy...

Uncle Zhao fry the eggs with the green onions.

CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant?

Uncle Zhao They've got no food like this here. See, we've got two dishes now! (To Shenyang) Now I'm giving' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr. Bi here.

Shenyang You mean we should serve one dish for free. You're too mean, sir, You didn’t order anything, and you even want us to serve you one for free? Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy. But you haven’t! Shenyang We have or haven’t , is it up to me? You know it.

Shenyang I mean One shouldn't set too much stock on money. The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.

Uncle Zhao What’s more scary...do you know? Shenyang Yeah?

Uncle Zhao ... is to be left living with no money. Shenyang Ok, „„„what a day!

赵本山:他姥爷,这菜呢,得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了,这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。

毕福剑:艺......艺术细胞。

赵本山:给看看,能不能上你的大道。 毕福剑:她......

赵本山:才艺,那是了不得。

毕福剑:老哥,我弄明白了,你今天截我到这儿来,就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。 赵本山:可不是嘛,它有这么个关系。 毕福剑:哦,那她都......会点什么?

赵本山:来吧,给姥爷表示表示。服务员,拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗?拿来。站好了。 毕福剑:那就这样吧,照我们的规矩来。 赵本山:来,你啥规矩? 毕福剑:来,自报家门。 赵本山:瞅前边就行了,别紧张。就搁哪儿来的。说。

毛毛: 我是来自大城市铁岭莲花池水沟子的,我名字叫丫蛋。今天,我心情非常地冲动,今夜阳光明媚,今夜多云转晴。

小沈阳:妈呀,报天气预报哪?嘻嘻。 姥爷。唱吧。唱。 毕福剑:能唱歌?

赵本山:唱李谷一的《青藏高原》。 毛毛: 那歌是李娜的。 赵本山:爱谁谁的,你唱。 毕福剑:不错,人小,但声音可高!

(沈阳先退后.)

Uncle Zhao (to CCTV Man) Preparin' the dishes would take some time, sir. Here's Yadar, my granddaughter. They all call her Yadar. She can sing very well!

CCTV Man Now I see. You got me here so your granddaughter can get into my program. Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that's it.

CCTV Man What exactly can she do?

Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Mr Bi what you can do. Waiter, give us a mic for a Karaoke show. (沈阳进场)

Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Stand over there. CCTV Man According to our rules... Uncle Zhao What’re they?

CCTV Man (to Yadar) ... you shall introduce yourself first.

Uncle Zhao Look right ahead, honey. Start from the beginnin'. Don`t be nervous. Yadar I„ I'm from the Lo„Lotus Pond Valley of the big„big City Tieling. My„my name's Yadar. To„today I'm so excited. Tonight it's so sunny, turning from cloudy to clear. Shenyang (偷笑) What're you doing, reporting on the weather?

Uncle Zhao (对沈阳)Don’t laugh, „ (对丫蛋)so Go ahead and sing. CCTV Man Can she sing a song? Uncle Zhao sing, vitas “opera 2” CCTV Man What a high pitch you've got for your age.

小沈阳:这就不错啊?哎呀妈呀,这样能上的话,我也能上。 赵本山:往哪上啊你!快上菜去。 小沈阳:我上《星光大道》呗。

赵本山:上啥大道?你上炕都费劲。

小沈阳:毕老师好不容易来一回,让我展示一下,我也会唱。

赵本山:哪有时间听。知道吗?这都艺术圈的事,你一个服务员,唱啥唱啊? 小沈阳:你让我唱一个呗

赵本山:不让你唱。

小沈阳:不让我唱,我就不给你上菜。 毕福剑:好了。小伙子,你会点什么呢? 小沈阳:我会模仿秀。 毕福剑:模仿谁?

小沈阳:模仿刘欢老师。 毕福剑:刘欢老师那一出? 小沈阳:《我和你》。

小沈阳:我给毕老师唱一个。嗯哼哼哼。 "我和你,心连心, 同住地球......"。

Shenyang Is that good? If she can go there, so can I. Uncle Zhao Where to? Shenyang To his program.

Uncle Zhao You? Go and get your food!

Shenyang Since Mr. Bi's here, please give me a chance to try. I can sing, too.

Uncle Zhao Who got the time to listen? What’s more, what can you sing? You are only a waiter!

Shenyang Let me sing. Uncle Zhao No!

Shenyang If you don't let me sing, I won't serve you the meal. Uncle Zhao If you don't serve me the meal, I'll get you' boss here. Shenyang If you get my boss here, I'll tell him about your lies! CCTV Man OK,What're you good at, young man? Shenyang I can do a mock show. CCTV Man Whom can you mock? Shenyang Mr. Liu Huan.

CCTV Man Which song of his? Shenyang "You and Me."

Shenyang Now I'll try. Mm-hum-hum... (Starts to sing) "You and me, from one world, We are family... "

毕福剑:你,叫什么名字?

小沈阳:我的中文名字叫小沈阳。 毕福剑:还有外国名字? 小沈阳: Xiao Shenyang。 毕福剑:叫什么?

赵本山:没听明白吗?英文名字叫"小损样"。 毕福剑:小伙子,你是哪儿人? 小沈阳:莲花乡的。 毕福剑:是莲花乡的? 小沈阳: 对呀。

毕福剑: 老哥,你儿子让我找的小沈阳,就是他。 小沈阳:是我吗?

毕福剑:你明天跟我一起去趟北京,上《星光大道》,好吗? 小沈阳:谢谢毕老师。哎呀妈呀,太激动啦。

赵本山:他姥爷,这孩子你看你......这都实在亲戚。另外,这些东西我都给你炖了。你不给我面子,也得给她姥爷面子。再不行让他姥爷亲自跟你说说?

毕福剑:太好了。你马上上菜,今天这顿饭我包了,我请客。丫蛋,你明天跟着大哥一起去北京,上《星光大道》。你们搞一个组合,就叫"不差钱"。 毛毛: 我也能去了? 毕福剑:可以啊。 毛毛: 谢谢姥爷。 小沈阳:谢谢姥爷。

赵本山:我跟你说,毕老师,你们《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗?谁都可以参与嘛。他们都要了,把我也接收得了呗。

毕福剑:搜狐网上也有您的名字?

赵本山:你点一下试试呗。另外,我有个重要秘密没跟您透露。 毕福剑:什么秘密? 赵本山:其实我姥爷也姓毕。 (演员谢幕)

CCTV Man Bravo! So what's your name? Shenyang My Chinese name's 小沈阳 CCTV Man Also got an English name? Shenyang Xiao Shenyang. CCTV Man Where're you from? Shenyang Lotus Township.

CCTV Man (to Uncle Zhao) He's the one your son referred me here to. Shenyang Is that me? CCTV Man Please go to Beijing with me tomorrow for our program, would you? Shenyang Thank you so much, Mr. Bi. I... I just can't believe it!

Uncle Zhao Oh,no Mr Bi, You know I want my granddaughter to go with you,really„And my food had cooked„

CCTV Man Don’t worry (To Shenyang) Serve the meal quick. It's going to be my treat today - I'll pay the bill. And Yadar, you go off to Beijing tomorrow along with Shenyang. You two got the team named "Got the Money Anyway." Yadar Can I really go? CCTV Man Of course.

Yadar Thank you, grandpa. Shenyang Thank you, grandpa. CCTV Man OK , let’s go! (丫蛋,沈阳,毕老师一起走,留下赵本山)

Uncle Zhao Hey,hey, What about me? I want to go to your program, too„ (跟着跑出去,然后大家回来,谢幕)

范文八:英语小品:“不差钱” 投稿:程磡磢

小品:“不差钱”

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

编创者 崔凯 等

表演者 赵本山、沈鹤、毕福剑、王金凤(毛毛)

(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景,写着:“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装,身上背着一串蒜头,手上拿着野鸡,拉着毛毛上场。)

(This short play is set in a restaurant named

赵本山:到了。

毛毛: 到了。

赵本山:这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不,苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。

毛毛: 爷爷,你念反了,苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。

赵本山:啊,情调?就搁这儿吃。

毛毛: 爷爷,这家老贵的啦。

赵本山:贵?咱带钱了,带三万多块,那包呢?

毛毛: 我没拿包啊。

赵本山:装钱那包,黄包。

毛毛: 完了,让我落炕上了。

赵本山:我说,你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事,落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗? 毛毛: 兜里,多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。

赵本山:我还有400。行,够了。

毛毛: 这也不能够啊。

赵本山:哎呀,够不够就这样了。服务员!

Uncle Zhao Here we are.

Yadar Here we are.

Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling:

Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.

Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.

Yadar But it's very expensive.

Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?

Yadar What bag?

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.

Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?

Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

Yadar Still not enough.

Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!

(小沈阳上)

小沈阳:对不起大爷,我们这是高档酒店,不收农副产品。

赵本山:不是,我们是吃饭的。

小沈阳:妈呀,吃饭的?

赵本山:不像啊?

小沈阳:不太像。

赵本山:我说姑娘啊,这顿饭非常重要。

小沈阳:妈呀,你管谁叫姑娘呢,人家是纯爷们。

赵本山:咋这么个打扮,还穿个裙子呢。

小沈阳:这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊,这不七分裤吗。你看,是有腿的哦。妈呀,着急穿跑偏了。妈呀,我说走道咋没有裆呢。

赵本山:行了,那条腿留明儿个穿,哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀,今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭,你一定要招待好。

小沈阳:呃,没问题。

赵本山:来来来,我问问你,你们这个酒店,如果要急头白脸吃一顿,得多少钱? 小沈阳:咋还吃急眼了呢?

赵本山:我意思就是,最贵的都点上。

小沈阳:得一、两万的。

赵本山:一、两万?啊,那啥,有没有这种情况,今儿个吃完了,明儿个来结账?

(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)

Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers. Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?

Shenyang Not quite.

Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.

Shenyang Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.

Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?

Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.

Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.

Shenyang No problem.

Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?

Shenyang Why so / What's wrong?

Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.

Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.

Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?

小沈阳:打白条儿啊?

赵本山:不是啊,不是打白条,不差钱,有钱。喏。

小沈阳:啥意思?

赵本山:小费。

小沈阳:妈呀,大爷你真敞亮,你太帅了。

赵本山:给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了,你一定要给足我面子,明白吗?我到点菜的时候,你得替我兜着点。

小沈阳:咋兜呢?

赵本山:既把面子给了,但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......

小沈阳:我就说没有呗。

赵本山:哎呀妈呀,你太厉害了。来来来,拿点。再给你30,来。

小沈阳:我跟你都明码的哦。

赵本山:谢谢。

小沈阳:放心吧。

毛毛: 爷爷,我有点饿了。

赵本山:饿了?来碗面条。

小沈阳:呃,78一碗。

赵本山:啥面?这么贵。

小沈阳:苏格兰打卤面。

赵本山:是不是卤子贵?

小沈阳:卤不要钱。

赵本山:那就来碗卤子,先尝尝咸淡。快去,快去。

小沈阳:妈呀,没这么上过呀。

赵本山:那是我没来,我要来,你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。

小沈阳:这老爷子,我要说面条不要钱,要面条了你还。

Shenyang You'll give me an IOU?

Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.

Shenyang What's it?

Uncle Zhao A tip for you.

Shenyang You do understand people / things / the world, sir - you look cool!

Uncle Zhao Whut's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so.

Shenyang Like how?

Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?

Shenyang I'll say

Uncle Zhao You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.

Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.

Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.

Shenyang Nothing much.

Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.

Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?

Shenyang 78 yuan.

Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?

Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.

Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?

Shenyang It's free.

Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick.

Shenyang That's no way to serve a meal, sir.

Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.

Shenyang (to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)

本文来自: 恒星英语学习网(www.Hxen.com) 详细出处参考:http://www.hxen.com/yingyujuben/2009-03-04/69956.html

范文九:不差钱英文 投稿:黎冑冒

Got the Money Anyway

(A Comic Piece for the CCTV Spring Festival Gala 2009)

Characters

曾哲

陈伟涛,acted by Zhao Benshan

蔡俊楠, acted by Shen He

陈 嘉锡, acted by Bi Fujian

陈聪龙, acted by Wang Jinfeng (Mao Mao)

1. (This short play is set in a restaurant named

Uncle Zhao Here we are.

Yadar Here we are.

Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eating spot in Tieling:

Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.

Uncle Zhao All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.

Yadar But it's very expensive.

Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?

Yadar What bag?

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.

Uncle Zhao So what can you do at all? I'm going through all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?

Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

Yadar Still not enough.

Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!

2.(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)

Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers.

Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?

Shenyang Not quite.

Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.

Shenyang Don't you call me a miss? I'm a man - from the inside out.

Uncle Zhao Then how can you wearing a skirt?

Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.

Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn important guest here in a minute. You should do your best.

Shenyang No problem.

Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?

Shenyang Why so / What's wrong?

Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothing but the best.

Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.

Uncle Zhao What if somebody eats today and pays tomorrow?

3.Shenyang You'll give me an IOU?

Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.

Shenyang What's it?

Uncle Zhao A tip for you.

Shenyang You do understand people / things / the world, sir - you look cool!

Uncle Zhao What's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you aren't get it for nothing. When my guest comes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doing so.

Shenyang Like how?

Uncle Zhao Showing due respect for my guest, yes. Spending too much on a meal, no. What if I ask for something dear?

Shenyang I'll say

Uncle Zhao You're smart. Come, here's another 30 yuan.

Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.

Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.

Shenyang Nothing much.

Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.

Uncle Zhao How much is a bowl of noodles?

Shenyang 78 yuan.

Uncle Zhao What noodles can be so expensive?

Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.

Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?

Shenyang It's free.

Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick.

Shenyang That's no way to serve a meal, sir.

Uncle Zhao You think so only because I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make some change. Shenyang (to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would have asked for noodles. (Exits)

4.Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTV's Starlight Broadway comes, you must show you' best, OK? It's the best opportunity for your own future. Grandpa has been preparing you over the past 40-plus years.

Yadar Grandpa, see how old I am now.

Uncle Zhao I prepared your daddy for 30 extra years. Though he ain't good enough, he's the chief of the township's cultural center. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?

Yadar I can.

Uncle Zhao Swear if you're serious.

Yadar The Yangtze River like the Hong waters rolls on and on,

Each wave behind higher than the one at the front.

Young people are born to challenge their elders;

I'll beach my daddy like... like a wrecked old ship.

Uncle Zhao Good for you / Well said!

(Shenyang enters again.)

Shenyang Here's the sauce for you.

Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Eat this, so you won't be too hungry.

Yadar Grandpa, it's a bit salty.

Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Fetch her some water to drink.

Shenyang You mean free water?

Uncle Zhao Just plain boiled water, you miser.

5.(Bi Fujian, MC / anchorman of CCTV's Starlight Broadway program, enters.)

Shenyang Why, aren't you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yansong? Oh no. Or a Bi something! Are you Mr. Bi?

CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.

Shenyang Come here everyone, it`s Mr. Bi here. (To CCTV Man) Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here! He can go elsewhere at any minute.

Uncle Zhao What the hell's going on? Anything to be so fussy about? You're being hounded by a wolf? Shenyang He's Mr. Bi...

Uncle Zhao I know, and he's the guest I'm honored to keep company today.

Shenyang Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr. Bi?

Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Wait, wait. (To CCTV Man) Welcome, Mr. Bi.

CCTV Man Nice to meet you.

Uncle Zhao I've been waiting all this time for you.

CCTV Man Thanks a lot really. May I have your name please?

Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see?

CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.

Uncle Zhao You got it. Here's his daddy and I'm...

Yadar Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.

Uncle Zhao And I'm Tiezhu's daddy. Aren't you looking for a dad... I mean it's right to be looking my way. CCTV Man Hi, daddy... I mean buddy. So where's your son?

Uncle Zhao He's at the township waiting for you. Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you. With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle. Flowers all around.

CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy?

Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow. Lots of folk is waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spilling all over.

CCTV Man Why's that?

Uncle Zhao They're excited.

CCTV Man Let's go there, then.

Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How about that?

6.CCTV Man Why here?

Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do come this way please.

CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.

Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.

Shenyang A picture of the two of us, please.

CCTV Man (to Shenyang) You're... a male waiter?

Shenyang Yup.

CCTV Man You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.

Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came. How funny he is dressing up like this? Sit down here. Did you enjoy your trip?

CCTV Man Yes, quite.

Uncle Zhao We must be fellow townsmen.

CCTV Man Are we?

Uncle Zhao Ain’t you from Dalian?

CCTV Man Sure.

Uncle Zhao Which part?

CCTV Man Old Turtle Bend.

Uncle Zhao Where her mummy’s daddy used to live, too. So we're even relatives.

CCTV Man (to Yadar) What’s his name?

Yadar Bi Menting.

CCTV Man Your grandpa must be good at playing mahjong.

Uncle Zhao Why?

CCTV Man The name sounds like a mahjong term.

Uncle Zhao That matches you' nickname

7.CCTV Man Just Bi Fujian.

Uncle Zhao Yeah, what an... well, I'm really... (To Yadar) Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.

Yadar Look, even more like it when he doesn't.

CCTV Man So I'm hopeless either way.

Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me. Sort of cried her heart out when he died. Say hello to you' new grandpa.

Yadar (kneeling down / with a kowtow) How do you do, grandpa.

CCTV Man Don't, please. It`s Spring Festival now, and I should've given you some gift money.

Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir. You're indeed...

Shenyang We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.

Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) We haven't ordered our dishes yet. Put this damn' thing away. We'll see what to eat first. Come.

Shenyang Just one picture, please.

Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first.

Shenyang What if he runs away after the meal?

Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr. Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijing to give us folks a chance. Don't you say a thing like that. (To CCTV Man) I'm what they call a

CCTV Man Don't be too polite. You do it.

Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before. Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway. Please give me the menu.

CCTV Man Don't be extravagant, buddy.

Uncle Zhao Australian abalones, four.

Shenyang Sorry, they're out of stock.

CCTV Man Too expensive anyway. Let's move on down.

Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each.

Shenyang Sorry, nothing that big.

8.Uncle Zhao What kind do you have?

Shenyang Half a kilo each.

Uncle Zhao Something you really have?

Shenyang Yes we do... or no?

Uncle Zhao Come on, boy, it's you take care of things here. Don't you know what you've got and what not? I'll ne'er shortchange you.

Shenyang So no, we haven't got lobsters.

CCTV Man Let me have a look. Even less need for ordering shark's fin.

Uncle Zhao I won't. Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my throat. I tried to remove it by swallowing lumps of rice and softening it with vinegar. It didn't work, though. I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with some tweezers. So, sharp stuff jus' won't do.

CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway.

Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothing to serve. You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy. A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr. Bi. Where's you' boss? Get him here.

Shenyang No boss, sir.

Uncle Zhao Run out of a boss as well?

Shenyang Well... the boss is out.

Uncle Zhao Where's he?

Shenyang No idea.

Uncle Zhao What the hell shall we have to eat, then?

CCTV Man Just something homely.

Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then. A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms.

Shenyang I'm sorry, sir.

Uncle Zhao That's what you can have.

Shenyang Something we really don't have.

9.Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought. Get it here, Yadar. Lucky we didn't come with empty hands.

CCTV Man No, buddy...

Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijing. As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now.

CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption.

Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home. Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-pressure cooker till they're thoroughly done. So far we've got one dish ready. Come here, dumb bell.

Shenyang What did you say?

Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg.

Shenyang We don't have any, sir!

Uncle Zhao I do. All right...

CCTV Man Buddy...

Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions.

CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant?

Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here. Not even if you're willing to pay. See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine! (To Shenyang) Now I'm giving you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr. Bi here.

Shenyang We'll serve one dish for free. You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!

Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy. But what did you have, abalones or lobsters?

Shenyang Is it up to me to say yes?

Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!

Shenyang Cut it out, sir. If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next?

Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money.

10.Shenyang This I know, sir, but with Mr. Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep. Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over. Eyes closed but never opened again - then your whole life is over.

CCTV Man That`s wit! / What a master of wit!

Uncle Zhao Not wit, he's a waiter. / To me, he jus' stings like shit!

Shenyang I didn't mean to offend you, sir.

Uncle Zhao Then what did you mean?

Shenyang One shouldn't set too much stock on money. What good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.

Uncle Zhao What's more scary...

Shenyang Yeah?

Uncle Zhao ... is to be left living with you' money gone. Don't worry, boy. If you play your part well, I'll pay you well.

Shenyang Do as you please.

Uncle Zhao Go ahead.

Shenyang (to himself) What a day... just too stingy.

(Shenyang exits again.)

Uncle Zhao (to CCTV Man) Preparing the dishes would take some time, sir. Here's Yadar, my

granddaughter. They all call her Yadar. She started showing promise to be artiritis when very young. CCTV Man You mean an artist.

Uncle Zhao Please test her to see whether she's good enough for you' Broadway.

CCTV Man Can she...

Uncle Zhao What can she do, right? No problem!

CCTV Man Now I see. You got me stuck here so your granddaughter can get into my program.

Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that's it.

CCTV Man What exactly can she do?

Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi what you can do. Waiter, give us a mike for a Karaoke show. (Shenyang enters for a third time.)

Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Stand over there.

范文十:经典小品剧本之--不差钱 投稿:陈掠採

经典小品剧本之-- 不差钱

赵本山:到了 毛毛:到了 赵本山:这就是铁岭最贵的饭店 这不 苏 格 兰调情 毛毛:爷 你念反了 那苏格兰情调, 赵本山:啊 情调哈 就各这吃 毛毛:爷 这家老贵了吧 赵本山:贵 咱带钱了嘛 带三万多呢 那包呢 毛毛:我没拿包啊 赵本山:装钱那包 黄包 毛毛:完~~完了 让我落在炕上了 赵本山:你说你这孩子还能办点事不 你说这给你办事 落在炕上了还 兜都还有 钱没 毛毛:兜 多少钱还 才 70 多块元 赵本山:我还有 400 行了 够了 毛毛:那也不能够啊 赵本山:哎呀 够不够就这样吧 进来 赵本山:服务员 小沈阳:对不起大爷 我们这是高档酒店 不收农副产品 赵本山:不是 我们是吃饭的 小沈阳:哎妈呀 吃饭的啊 赵本山:不像吗 小沈阳:不太像 赵本山:我说姑娘啊 这顿饭非常重要 小沈阳:哎妈呀 你管谁叫姑娘呢 人家是是纯爷们 赵本山:那怎么还这么个打扮呢 这还 还穿个裙子 呢 小沈阳:这是按我们苏格兰风格包装的 再说了也不是裙子啊 这是七分裤吗 没 看 这有腿的

嘛 , 哈 ………… 妈 呀 着 急 穿 跑 偏 了 哎 妈 呀 我 说 走 道 咋 没 有 裆 呢 …… 赵本山:行啦 那条腿留明儿个穿 哎呀 小伙子 我跟你说呀 今天我要请一位重 要客人吃饭 小沈阳:是吗 赵本山:你一定要招待好 啊 小沈阳:啊 没问题 赵本山: 来来来 我问问你 这个 你们这个酒店 如果要激头白脸吃一顿得多少钱 啊 小沈阳:这咋还吃急眼了呢 赵本山:不是 我意思是 就是最贵的都点上 小沈阳:得一两万吧 赵本山: 一 两万 啊 那啥 有没有那种情况 今儿个吃完了 明儿个来结帐 的 一 小沈阳:打白条啊 赵本山:不是 不是打白条 不差钱 有钱 小沈阳:啥意思啊? 赵本山:小费 小沈阳:唉妈呀 大爷 你真敞亮 你太帅了 赵本山: 给一百块钱还帅 跟你说 这不白给啊 一会客人到了 你一定要给足我面 子 明白吗 我到点菜的时候你得替我兜着点 小沈阳:咋兜啊? 赵本山:既把面子给了 但是呢又 不能花的太狠 我要点贵菜 小沈阳:我就说……没有呗? 赵本山:哎呀妈呀 你也太厉害了 来来来 拿点儿 毛毛:都给你了 赵本山:再给你三十 来 小沈阳:我给你兜明白儿的 啊~ 赵本山:谢谢你 啊 小沈阳:放心吧

毛毛:爷 我有点饿了 赵本山:饿了 来碗面条 小沈阳:78 元一碗 赵本山:啥面啊 这么贵呀 小沈阳:苏格兰打卤面 赵本山:那个……是不是卤子贵呀 小沈阳:卤不要钱 赵本山:啊 那你来碗卤子 先尝尝咸淡 快去 快去 小沈阳:妈 没能么上过呀 赵本山:那是我没来 我要来了 你早就这么上了 还 去吧去吧 小沈阳:这老爷子 我要说面条不要钱还要
面条了呢 还 赵本山: 站起来 跟你说啊 一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了 你一定要给我争点 来 脸 好不 这 是人生最好的一次机会 知道吗 爷爷培养你都已经四十多年了 毛毛:爷 我才多大儿啊 赵本山: 我还培养你爸 30 多年呢 对不 你爸那是个半成 品 我都培养成 文化站 站长了 你 一定要超过他 有决心没 毛毛:有 赵本山:表下决心 毛毛: 我指定洪湖水 浪打浪 长江后浪推前浪 一浪更比一浪强 把我爹拍在沙滩 上 赵本山:有志向 小沈阳:哎 来了 赵本山:来 先把这卤子喝了 孩子饿了 鸭蛋:哎呀 爷 有点咸了 赵本山:没事 咸了 整碗水去。 小沈阳:免费的水呗 是不 赵本山:白开水就行

小沈阳:行 等着 我给你整水去 赵本山:咋这么抠呢 (老毕出场) 小沈阳:哎 哎 别动 哎呀 你不 那谁吗 毕福剑:谁 小沈阳:你是 那个 蒙住了 别吵吵 别吵吵 朱军 不是朱军 白岩松 不是 老毕 你是毕老师 吗 毕福剑:我姓毕 小沈阳:哎呀我的妈呀 毕老师来了 你咋出来了呢 唉呀我的妈呀 快来人啊 快 点的 一会儿 该跑了 毕老师 毕老师 赵本山:干什么玩意儿 吵吵八火的 让狼撵了咋的 这是? 小沈阳:毕老师 赵本山:我知道 这就是我要请的客人 小沈阳:哎呀我的妈呀 毕老师跟我照个相呗? 赵本山:你先等会 刚到是吧 毕福剑:刚到 刚到 赵本山:哎呀 我在这儿等半天了 毕福剑:啊~~~~~你好你好 请问您是 赵本山:你找谁? 毕福剑:我找莲花乡文化站站长赵铁柱 赵本山: 找对了 (指着鸭蛋) 这就是赵铁柱他爹 我是 鸭蛋:不是 这赵铁柱是我爹 赵本山:我是赵铁柱他爹 你不找爹吗 不是 找着对了 毕福剑:爹 不是 那个我找您儿子 赵本山:他在乡里等你呢 哎呀 乡里布置的老隆重了 乡长书记都在那儿排队等 你呢 布一个 大厅完事弄一个大房间 给你弄一个大照片子挂在中间了 周围全是花

啊 毕福剑:老哥 那那 花都是什么颜色的 赵本山: 白的 黄的都有啊 可漂亮了 真的 老百姓都拿笔等着呢 各那都哭了 等 你呢 毕福剑:哭什么? 赵本山:激动的 你去了 来吧 进屋先吃点 毕福剑:不不不 我们到乡里吧 赵本山:别了 乡里布置我 说是先各铁岭吃一顿 完事儿再上那 你看吧 毕福剑:在这儿吃饭 赵本山:这是铁岭最贵的 你来吧 毕福剑:别别别 赵本山:没事儿 毕福剑:大爷 不是我 老哥 我在飞机上吃了 赵本山:客随主便 好不好 给你怎么安排你就听吧 你就听话,来来来 小沈阳:毕老师 你跟我照个相呗 毕老师 毕福剑:不是 您是男服务员 是吧 长得挺委婉的 是吧 赵本山:我刚开始来都误会了 你说哪有这打扮儿的 唉呀妈呀 坐吧刚到是吧 毕福剑:刚到刚
到 赵本山:咱是老乡 毕福剑:是吗? 赵本山:你不大连人吗 毕福剑:对对大连人 赵本山:你住哪? 毕福剑:我住大连老鳖湾 赵本山:唉呀妈呀 有亲戚 毕福剑:和您? 赵本山:孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾 也姓毕 毛毛:恩 毕福剑:你姥爷叫毕什么

毛毛:毕门庭 毕福剑:你老爷打麻将肯定是高手 是吧 赵本山:怎么地 毕福剑:闭门听嘛 赵本山:正好你叫闭门炮嘛 说那干啥 毕福剑:我叫毕福剑 赵本山: 真是的 没准儿都有 实在 唉呀妈呀 这一笑 你看看 多象你老爷临走那 张照片 毛毛:哎爷爷你快看快看 不笑更好 毕福剑:我就是躲不开了 赵本山:孩子这一辈子跟爷爷不行 就跟姥爷亲 姥爷临走把她哭完了 快认姥爷 毛毛:姥爷好 毕福剑:别别别 行行行 大过年的你要来这个 我还得给你压岁钱 赵本山:不用 不用 哎呀 呀 这家伙 来 小沈阳:毕老师你跟我照个相 呗 赵本山:还没吃饭呢 你先把那揣起来 来 点菜 快点 小沈阳:照完再点呗 赵本山:快点 点完再照 小沈阳:要跑了呢 赵本山:谁跑啊 这都低调来的 你别跟这个那个说 赵本山:她姥爷 这都是实在亲戚 你就点吧 毕福剑:不不不 咱随便吃点饭就可以了 您来您来 赵本山: 现在咱家都富了 农民生活跟过去不一样了 你就冒劲吃 你能吃 你吃能 吃多少钱 我点 毕福剑:随便来点 赵本山:澳洲鲍鱼四只 小沈阳:对不起 没有 毕福剑:你别点那么贵的 你往下来

赵本山:四斤的龙虾一只 小沈阳:对不起 没那么大的 赵本山:有多大的 小沈阳:有一 一斤多的。 赵本山:一斤多的 ~~~~~~~有吗 小沈阳:是有……还是没有啊 赵本山:这个 我跟你说啊 有没有这是你开的店你 你还不明白吗 这不差钱 小沈阳:哦 ••••那没有 毕福剑:下边我看看 鱼鱼翅就更不要点了 赵本山:鱼刺有也别吃了,我吃鱼翅有一回就卡住了嘛 后来用馒头噎、 用醋泡 都不好使 到 医院 用镊子拿出来的 不吃那玩意儿。 毕福剑:他也没有 赵本山:不是 你这酒店怎么要啥没啥没有呢 干什么玩意儿 这人能容易来一趟 吗 把你老板 找来 小沈阳:没有 赵本山:合着你就记住一个没有了是不 老板 小沈阳:啊 老板啊 老板出去了 赵本山:上哪去了 小沈阳:我不知道啊 不知道 赵本山:什么玩意儿 你 说这吃啥啊 毕福剑:来点家常便饭 民间的 赵本山:来民间的啊 来民间的吧 你这样啊 孩子 来个小鸡炖蘑菇 小沈阳:没有 赵本山:这个可以有 小沈阳:这个真没有 赵本山:这样吧 那个 我给你带来了啊 咱有 来丫蛋 把这个拿来 哎呀 多亏带 了

毕福剑:老哥 赵本山:我是给你往北京带的 现在你就拿不走了 咱就各这儿吃了 毕
福剑:野山鸡不能吃 赵本山:这是家养的 都是野蘑菇 把这个炖了 高压锅啊 时间长点 来 好了 这 有一个菜了啊 来 笨蛋 小沈阳:说谁笨蛋呢? 赵本山:不是 我说再点个笨鸡蛋 小沈阳:没有 赵本山:来 我有 来 你这样 毕福剑:老哥 赵本山:这个鸡蛋和大葱一炒 毕福剑:你怎么下一趟饭店 你材料都自己备着 赵本山: 没事 他没有啊 问题是 他没有 这东西 给他钱他都没处找去 这几个菜 了 俩了 赵本山:你这样吧 给你们点机会 这毕老师来一回 你们饭店 表示不 小沈阳:赠送一个呗 哎呀我的 妈呀 大爷你咋这么抠呢 你说你一个没点 完了 我们还得搭 一个 是不 赵本山:我说小伙子 你这样 咱们不是一个没点 我点完之后 鲍鱼、龙虾你都没 有 小沈阳:有没有 你心还没数吗 赵本山:我有啥数啊 你不说没有吗 (赵本山要吵) 小沈阳:别说话了 一会万一要有咋整啊 赵本山:不是你到底有没有 这差钱还咋的 小沈阳: 我知道大爷不差钱 我那意思毕老师好不容易来一回 咱吃喝不能在乎钱 大爷 你看 我今年岁数小 但是我总结了 人这一生其实可短暂了 有时候一想跟睡 觉是一样一

样 的 眼睛一闭 一睁一天过去了 哈啊~~~~眼睛一闭 不睁 这辈子就 过去了 哈 啊 ~~~~~ 毕福剑:小伙子 精辟 赵本山:精辟啥 他是屁精 小沈阳:大爷我没别的意思 赵本山:你啥意思 小沈阳 : 我那意思吧 就是人不能把钱看的太重了 钱乃身外之物 人生最痛苦的 事情你知道是什么吗 赵本山:恩 小沈阳:人死了 钱没花了 赵本山:人这一生最最最痛苦的事你知道 是什么吗? 小沈阳:啥啊 赵本山:人活着呢 钱没了 不差钱 放心吧 啊 各这好好做做 这儿孩子 你说 小沈阳:这一天 也太抠了 赵本山:来 她姥爷 啊 毕福剑:嗯 赵本山:这菜得做一会儿 你看丫蛋儿来了 这孩子 从小就是一身 地艺术细菌 毕福剑:是艺术细胞 赵本山:是 看看能不能上你的大道 毕福剑:啊 啊 好好好 赵本山:才艺那是了不得 毕福剑:老哥我弄明白了 哦 你今天截到这儿来 就是为了让您孙女上我们《星 光大道》 赵本山:可不是吗 还有这么个关系 毕福剑:哦 那她都会点儿什么 赵本山:来吧 给姥爷表示表示 那什么 服务员 拿麦克 卡拉 OK 的麦克给我拿 来 站好了 毕福剑:那就这样吧 照我们的规矩来

赵本山:你啥规矩 毕福剑:来 自报家门 赵本山:瞅前边就行了 别紧张 各哪来的 就说 毛毛:我 我 我 是来自大城市铁岭 莲花~~~赤~~水沟子的 我名字叫丫蛋 今天 我 心情非 常的冲动 毕福剑:激动 毛毛:今夜阳光明媚 今夜多云转晴 小沈阳:唉妈呀 报天气预报呢 哈 赵本山:你别跟她说 啊 她说的是心
情 别着急 来 毕福剑:继续 继续 毛毛: 我心情从多云就 转晴了 这是为什么呢 就是我找着我老爷了 我老爷太好 了还 能带 我上溜光大道去 毕福剑: 《星光大道》 毛毛: 《星光大道》 我非常感谢我老爷能给我这次机会 我太感谢你了 如果你要 真能把我领 上道了 我都感谢你八辈祖宗 不是 我 我代表八辈祖宗都感谢你 忘不 了你对我的 大恩大德 我这辈子不会忘记你 我做鬼都不会放过你的 毕福剑:姥爷 不是 她爷爷 我怎么越听这话越慎得慌 赵本山:不是 孩子就是 啥意思 就是想报复你 毕福剑:报复 ? 赵本山: 不是 报恩 报销吧把你 不是 报答 知恩图报 毕福剑: 嗯嗯 赵本山: 啊 出去了就不能忘了姥爷 唱吧 唱 毕福剑:能唱歌 ? 赵本山:哎呀 ~~~~ 唱李谷一的《青藏高原》 毛毛:那个是李娜的 爷爷

赵本山:爱谁谁地 你唱 唱 唱 (现场演唱《青藏高原》 ) 赵本山:中间的不用唱了 最后的那个 啊 ~~~ 那个 (毛毛唱歌) 毕福剑:年龄不大啊 嗓门真高 啊 赵本山:来来 再涨一调 来 那就是 毛毛:爷爷,卤子有点吃咸了 毕福剑:好好好 赵本山:还有呢 来 后面连哭带唱的 连哭带说 毕福剑:等一下 等一下 老哥 我问一下 连哭带说是什么节目 赵本山:就是后边俩 我 怎么家庭困难 怎么不容易 就那段 毕福剑: 不不不 ,那叫获奖感言 《星光大道》那都是真人真事 你这还没上北 京呢 没参 加星光大道 你 就获奖感言 赵本山:不是 这关系 另外这条件 不获奖能行吗 她姥爷在这儿我还没底吗 来 来来 哭 这 孩子可厉害了 查仨数马上就哭 一 二三四 哭 (丫蛋手拿话筒茫然) 赵本山:哭 丫蛋 各家哭那么快 快点 来 毛毛:零不叮得 哭不出来 赵本山:不跟姥爷有情感吗 来 看姥爷 姥爷照片在这儿 来 (毛毛开哭,哭笑了) 赵本山:完蛋玩意儿 到底哭还是笑 毛毛:太有意思了 哪是照片这是 毕福剑:不说了 不说了 才艺很不错 唱的很不错 小沈阳:这还不错呢 哎呀妈呀 这样能上得话 我也能上 赵本山:你往哪儿上啊 你 赶紧上菜去 小沈阳:我上《星光大道》呗 赵本山:你上啥大道啊 你上炕都费劲 上菜

小沈阳:毕老师好不容易来一回 让我展示一下 我也会唱 赵本山:哪有 时间听啊 知道吗 这都是艺术圈的事 你一个服务员唱啥唱啊 小沈阳:你就让我唱一个呗 赵本山:不让你唱 小沈阳:你不让我唱 我就不给你上菜 赵本山:你不给我上菜我找你老板去 赵本山:你找我们老板我就把你交代我那事说出来 赵本山:找你老板 你要说你要说要说他说指定他指定比她唱的好 毕福剑:你这样 你还是说 还是自报家门 小沈阳:啊 其实毕老师 我的命运跟
她是一样的 我也有一个姓毕的姥爷 赵本山:你拉倒吧~~!@#¥ 用不着 别套了 你该唱唱你的 毕福剑:不打断 不打断 来 小伙子 你会点什么 呢 小沈阳:啊我会模仿秀, 毕福剑:模仿谁 啊 小沈阳:模仿刘欢老师 毕福剑:模仿刘欢老师哪一出? 小沈阳: 《我和你》 赵本山:你个人唱 这刚下飞机 累这样 给你唱 毕福剑:不是他和我唱 赵本山:跟我我更不跟他唱了 毕福剑:老哥 跟你解释一下 这是一首歌的名字叫做我和你 啊 小沈阳:歌名 我给毕老师唱一个 毕福剑:唱唱唱 坐姥爷这儿 小沈阳:&&&&&&&我和你 心连心~ 同住地球~~…… 哎呀妈呀我唱神话上来 了 赵本山: 拉倒吧 你唱跑 偏了 你这裤子也穿跑偏了 你就跑偏的人 别唱了 上菜 吧 小沈阳:激动了 赵本山:你上菜吧

小沈阳:我重唱一个 毕老师 我再重唱一个行吗 赵本山:唱啥啊 小沈阳: 我唱个刀郎的吧 赵本山:拉倒吧 你唱个屎壳郎吧的 小沈阳: 老哥 刀郎他不是一个昆虫的名字 他是一个人名叫刀郎 歌手的名字 刀 郎 小沈阳:刀郎的声音是沧桑的感觉 ……(唱) 毕福剑:你再来一个 你还会唱谁的 小沈阳:我还会唱《星光大道》走出那个 阿宝 毕福剑:阿宝的嗓门高啊 小沈阳:啊 接下来我给大家唱一个陕北民歌山丹丹花开红艳艳 (表演) 毕福剑:你叫什么名字 小沈阳:我的中文名字叫做小沈阳 毕福剑:你还有外国名字 小沈阳:英文名字叫小~~沈~~阳~~ 赵本山:没听 明白吗 英文名字叫小~~损~~样 毕福剑:小伙子你是哪里的人, 小沈阳:莲花乡的 毕福剑:是莲花乡的 小沈阳:对啊 毕福剑: 老哥 你儿子让我找的那个小沈阳, 就是他, 你明天跟我一起去趟北京 上 《星光大 道》 好吗 小沈阳:谢谢毕老师 哎妈呀 我太激动了 赵本山:哎呀 毕老师 你看都实在亲戚 再说 那些东西都给你炖了 你看这孩子 你不给我面 子也给她老爷面子 毕福剑:不用不用

赵本山:再不让他老爷跟你说 毕福剑:我想知道她有名吗 赵本山: 她不是有名没名 她是 你 这样 我不是推荐她 她挺有名气的 你上搜狐 网上 你 看 看新闻 点击率老高了 哇哇的 都二年多了 叫丫蛋。 毕福剑:哦~~~搜狐网上说的鸭蛋就是她 赵本山:就是她嘛 毕福剑: 哎呀太好了太好了 你这样吧 来你马上上菜 今天这吨饭我包 我请客啊 丫蛋你明 你跟着大哥一起去北京 上《星光大道》 你们搞一个组合就叫不差钱 毛毛:我也能去了 毕福剑:可以啊 毛毛:谢谢姥爷 小沈阳:谢谢姥爷 赵本山:这样吧 我跟你说毕老师 你《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗 谁都可以参 与 嘛 对吧 毕福剑:没错没错 赵本山:他们都要了 把我也接收了吧
毕福剑:搜狐 网上也有您的名字 赵本山:你点下试试呗 另外 我有个重要秘密没给你透露 毕福剑:什么秘密 赵本山: 其实我老爷也姓毕


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